Learn to Love
“I am the ultimate goal of the all the souls. I am their protector. I grace them with divine knowledge and love. I am their loving supreme God. I am the observer of the actions of the souls. All the souls reside in Me; I am their ultimate refuge when they humbly surrender to Me.”
Bhagavad Gita Chapter 9:18
What is Causing Your Resistance to Love?
Are You Ready to Let Go?
Whether it is from past life trauma, or childhood abandonment, every one of us has a deep resistance to love. You may think, “Not me! I want to have love in my life!” Of course, you may want to have love, in fact, you may want it so badly, that may be the source of what is blocking you.
But how can we overcome it?
For some of us, this thought and feeling may be very deep and almost inaccessible in the subconscious mind.
It can stay buried for years, until the situations in your life continuously recreate situations where no matter what you do, you can’t get the relationship you want. Whether he won’t commit, or the relationship you are in is not a happy one, the situations play out like a movie, the same thing over and over.
When it comes to the endless, painful scene replaying repeatedly, unless you have a deeper awareness of your resistance to love you may say to yourself, “Well, love is just something other people have.” Absolute nonsense!
This whole drama repeatedly creates deep self-hatred in you like there is something wrong with you, you are worthless, not good enough, not deserving of a relationship, blah, blah and all that ridiculousness.
Or maybe you even gave up altogether, took yourself into deeper denial, and made a worse pattern over the core pain by telling yourself, “I’m happier alone,” or , “I just want to be alone.” This throws you out of balance even more.
You may know that you have this type of resistance, but not know how to come out of it.
Some healer may say, “Well, you have a blockage in the heart chakra or in the muladhara chakra.” And that is one way to access it. But is not the easiest way. I say just go to the source.
So what is the solution?
Well, first of all you need to know that any outside love you are seeking is actually divine love you are wanting.
We have learned to search outside for what can only come from within. So each time that you are longing outside, especially for love from a person, it should be a red flag for you to turn within and give yourself the love you are trying to get from outside. This is actually what is meant by “self-love”.
Second is to ask questions to yourself and become very aware of what is happening in the realm of feeling.
Sadly, our society does not teach us how to feel as children. This is tragic, actually.
There are past incidents and situations which happened. At these critical moments of time you made belief systems and thought forms in your mind about yourself.
In order to uncover those belief systems and thought forms, you will need to investigate those past situations. I know, I know, it is not fun. But if you want anything to change, and you want to release your resistance to love, then you gotta do it.
Look back. When is the last time this situation played out? What happened? How did you feel? What were you thinking about yourself and your life?
Those excruciating thoughts and feelings are your starting point.
If they are truly overwhelming and blocking your life, then they may come to the surface of your conscious mind thoughts quite frequently. They could be bombarding you, or they could be so buried that you shoved it down because it was all too painful.
Either way, the starting point is to make a commitment and willingness to uncover it and heal it. Then layer by layer, it will begin to unravel.
Simply make a declaration, “I declare that I am releasing this resistance to love right now.” When you are really sick of it, your will to declare this will be strong and the healing will take place immediately.
As each feeling arises, just allow it to come. It may happen fast, or it may happen slowly over time.
If you have to scream, cry, do whatever you have to do to allow it to come out. Do not stuff your feelings by smoking, drinking or eating, or going to meditate. Sit and allow it all to happen. This process is, in fact, how you can heal any addiction. (Yes, meditation can also be an addiction.) But that is another article.
As your self-hatred and self-disgust comes up and out, you will find the more and more you get mental peace and stability. Just commit to watching the mental happenings. At one point you will come to a major belief system which is holding it all in place. When you finally become aware of it, the rest of the volcano of emotions will fall like a deck of cards and lose a lot of power over you.
Then underneath that will be deep worthlessness, not good enough, etc. Just know as you do this that those deep feelings of pain are not real!
You must tell yourself they are not real in order to come out of it! That is your key to get through it! Otherwise you will remain inside it. (This is actually the opposite of psychology! They encourage you that your worthlessness is real and therefore keep you paying big money week after week to take their medications! But if they were to tell you it is not real, you would be cured within a short period of time!)
None of all these psychological and mental happenings are actually real and they are not who you are! You are a divine being!
When you understand this reality, then you will be fearless to face even the most painful events from your past. This is a deep secret of emotional and mental healing: all the mental thoughts and feelings you are trying to release are not real!
That means, whatever is creating your resistance to love is also not real! So you can choose right now, not to believe it anymore!
Make the choice not to believe any of it, allow yourself to watch your mind go through the gamut of emotions, and when you get to a place where the emotions feel stuck, remind yourself again that it is not real. This coaching from your conscious mind will allow it to release out of the subconscious mind.
Then, when you feel the healing is ending, encourage yourself that you are good enough, that you do deserve love, that it is safe to love, etc. You may need to repeat as these memories are triggered again in the future. But this is the process to make your resistance to love disappear!